Six hilarious really, really short stories about the children of famous Disney characters. Enjoy!

Rapunzel: I was born with a curse. My nose is magical. No, not like I have magical snot! The curse is that whenever I sneeze, everybody around me starts dancing. Imagine me when I’m sick! One day, I was sashaying through the mall when I saw the most handsome guy ever. I flipped my hair, checked my mascara and batted my eyelashes. He came over and said, “Hey, I’m Pinocchio.” I instantly fell in love with his melodious voice and gorgeous nose. But then he said that he had a Ferrari and his nose grew twice in size. “OMG!” I said in an amazed voice, “I have a weird nose too! Like, totally, we’re like meant for each other!” Two years later, he asked me to marry him and said he loved me, but then his nose grew!

Ariel: I’m a mermaid hybrid. Just thought you would want to know. My mom is a mermaid but my dad is a human. Or so I thought. One day, I was walking through the courtyard, breathing in the crisp, sugary, scent of the azaleas mixing with the tulips, when I heard my dad and someone else singing Jingle Bells. What? I thought, stopping in my tracks. It’s July! Slowly creeping around the corner, I peeked at my dad, and there was someone, someone I didn’t know… He had a long, flowing beard, like my grandfather, King Triton, but this guy also had puffy red cheeks and nose, and strangest of all, a tall pointed red hat with a puffy white thing at the end. I’ve heard ghost stories about this man! I remembered that his name was Santa, he knew when you were asleep and awake, when you were good and bad, and scariest of all? He would sneak in from your chimney once every year, into your house, and eat all your cookies. I heard my dad say, “Dad, you had better leave now, before someone spots you!” Dad? Santa was my… grandfather?

Mulan: “Hey!” I cried out, pushing my taped glasses further up my nose. “Stop! Give me back my book!” Sasha Malfoy, head cheerleader, the most stuck-up kid in the school who everybody loved, kicked me once more and sashayed, or I liked to call it, sasha-ed away, sneering. “Toodles, Sami, loser!” Sighing, I thought, Guess having the legendary savior of China as a mom doesn’t really help my rep. I really needed to use the restroom so I brushed the dust off my pants and trudged away. As I was coming out of the bathroom stall, I spotted 6-inch hot pink stilettos under the bathroom stall next to me. “Oh my god, I am so jealous of Anaile. She is so good at everything! I’m so glad she is so at the bottom of the food chain, dahling,” a voice floated out. “Like, totes, having Draco Malfoy as a dad stinks. Harry Potter is always like, ‘Draco sucks’ and stuff. It, like, really stinks!

Cinderella: I hate this school! It’s so ordinary! I am a daughter of Cinderella! I cannot believe she forced me to go to this rubbish school. I’d rather go to the most prestigious school ever! It’s called Tommy Jagrover Intermediate School. I heard that the best people, Arua Hgnis and Anaile Ud, go there. I plan on breaking out of my palace just to go there. The plan is being instituted today. It’s night right now. BAI!

Moana: I born in a giant coconut in Lalotai. I was adopted by Moana who clearly does NOT know that my dad is the giant crab! I have weird crab stuff that I hide with human clothes. One day, my mom made me go to the beach. Gasp. I went to the changing room, wore my swimsuit, came out and then for some unknown reason, everyone screamed and went out. When my mom saw me she freaked out and went home. I was all alone. The giant crab came to get me. I was okay at the end, after a decade of intensive crab therapy.

Snow White: I hate my face. I mean, I am beautiful but I am so average compared to my mother! I wish I could get plastic surgery or something. One day, I was going to dance class and I saw a guy with the most dreamiest ocean blue eyes. His name was Dan. He came up to me and said “Do you want to be partners?” I almost melted! His voice was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. It was so modulated and pleasant to listen to. Oh god, I thought, I could listen to that voice sing for hours! That’s how I met my husband. He taught me that I am beautiful and that I don’t need anyone’s approval. But seriously, how is someone so good-looking? I don’t understand! Ahem, Dan, ahem.